Very Upset
Dear Dr. Katz
At my cousin's birthday party for his adopted one year old daughter, everyone was "oohing & ahing" over how cute she was. I felt very upset when I overheard my five year old (who is also adopted) ask our friend "if mommy was going to get rid of me" in reaction to the baby's getting everyone's attention. What is that about?
- Very Upset
Dear Very Upset
When children are born and experience the separation from their mother it is a frightening experience which they can gradually recover from. When this separation is followed by another one, especially one of a more permanent nature, it can leave in its wake a long lasting emotional "scar" of insecurity which may fade over time but not disappear. At the party, experiencing the loss of love when everyone gave the baby their attention and the reminder of her own previous loss (by adoption) aroused in your daughter the old but not totally gone fear that she could lose her mother yet again.
- Dr. Katz