Counseling Center for the Adoption Family

Also Sad

Dear Dr. Katz
My daughter, age 13, and I have a very close relationship. Lately she has told me that she feels sad and upset that she wasn't born to me. How do I respond when she tells me that?
- Also Sad

Dear Also Sad
Adolescence is a time of change when kids rapidly mature and become capable of greater separation from their parents. This can be frightening to them and in reaction call forth a wish for greater reassuring closeness. Your daughter is seeking greater emotional closeness with you which you can give her by reflecting her feelings with your own feelings. By telling her you also feel sad and wish you had given birth to her it puts you "on the same page" and "in the same boat" which can further your closeness and be comforting.
- Dr. Katz